Rhymes, Rants & Accolades from North Central BC

SASQUATCHES

Sense and Nonsense, August 1, 1974.(from archives of Nechako Chronicle)

An American expedition has recently been financed to enter the bush in search of the legendary Sasquatch, The Sasquatch is supposed to reside a lot near Harrison Lakes, BC but also has been spotted near Blue River and in Tweedsmuir Park. There have been many stories of people having frightening experiences with these large hairy creatures. Although officially they do not exist, scientists have taken plaster casts of their footprints and a slightly blurry film has seen taken of one, and examined very carefully with no proof that it is a hoax.

It seems to me that either there is such a creature or else some people have gone to a lot of trouble to fool us. Apparently the footprints are amazing in themselves. They indicate a creature built a lot like us only much bigger. If they were made by an ordinary person with false feet carrying a heavy load, the scientists could spot this by the weight distribution in the footprints.

Of course people have gone to many lengths In the past for a private laugh. We studied the Piltdown-Man in Social Studies at school. Now, I understand they have learned that the Piltdown-Man was man-made. Some jokester welded the skull together out of various animal bones and planted it in a pit in England.

One thing is certain; if there is such a creature as a Sasquatch he resembles us more than any other animal. He also must be pretty cagey to avoid being captured so far, or of even being shot by a careless hunter.

If the people in that expedition are successful in bringing a Sasquatch back home, I wonder what they will do with him? Will he be treated as an animal or as the intelligent being that he obviously is? It seems to me that he must have certain rights.

If he is captured in Canada he must become a Canadian citizen. Legally he can protest being taken back across the line to the United States. He should have access to a lawyer immediately, preferably one who can speak the language and explain to him his inborn rights as a native Canadian. He is also in the enviable position of being a member of a minority group. If he is smart he will suggest going back home to the bush and organizing a group from his tribe to represent Sasquatches everywhere.

The Sasquatches in the States are called Big-foots and I suppose our Sasquatch could join them or not, depending on how patriotic he was. Actually, I believe he’d be better off to stick to Canadians only and allow the Bigfoot to start their own organization. Ottawa, I am sure, would be more sympathetic to his cause that way.

Sasquatches, if they exist, have definitely been discriminated against in the past. Their villages, I am sure, are far below modern standards. I doubt very much if they have hydro or plumbing and I believe their education system must be inferior to ours. (It is possible, of course, that they could teach us a thing or two.)

Every Sasquatch, who is old enough, should be able to vote in our elections. They should think about nominating a member of their group to run for parliament. Perhaps they could hire a public relations man. With subtle advertising on radio and TV, an intelligent, politically-minded member of their tribe could someday become Prime Minister of Canada.

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