Rhymes, Rants & Accolades from North Central BC

SEE THE PRETTY LADY!

(August 1979) Sense and Nonsense

See the pretty lady. She is immaculate as she rests in her cool, spotless home. The pretty lady is very frail. She does not walk her block a day as they tell her to do on television. She is too tired.

Her phone rings. It is the blue phone and it only rings once a year. It is the Huckleberry Hotline! The pretty lady’s eyes light up. They gleam with maniacal delight. See her frenzied movements when she hangs up the phone,

Can you spot the pretty lady? She is the one climbing out of the dusty blue pick-up truck. It is a very good truck. It must be because it has just forded streams, bounced over boulders and climbed steep inclines. It is now parked below the huckleberry hill.

See all the people climbing up the hill. A fat lady has a preschooler under one arm and an ice-cream pail hooked over the other. She is good at climbing over windfalls. The pretty lady is faster though. She has just knocked over a hornet’s nest. The pretty lady is the first to reach the top of the hill.

Can you feel the heat? It is hot on the huckleberry hill! Everyone is perspiring except the fat lady’s little boy. He is busy eating huckleberries, leaves and all. His hands, face, ears and hair are blue. His mother has just tripped over a log and spilled all her huckleberries. The fat lady says a word that her little boy is not allowed to say,

See the pretty lady pick huckleberries! She is the fasted picker on the hill. Watch her crawl over and under windfalls. See her reach for a branch as she stumbles. The branch is part of a thorn bush. The pretty lady does not spill her berries when she falls. She is holding the handle of the ice-cream pail between her teeth. The pretty lady is smart!

The hackberry pickers are thirsty. Someone has carted a gallon of water up the hill. He is very popular! The pretty lady does not drink any water. She has just discovered a super patch of huckleberries!

The pretty lady realises someone else is sharing her patch. He is overdressed for such a hot day. He is wearing a fur coat! He is a sloppy eater and a poor conversationalist. All he does is growl.

See all the people hurry down the hill. Soon there is no one left up there except the sloppy picker in the fur coat. The pretty lady is upset – that patch would have filled her ice-cream pail to overflowing!

The pretty lady is no longer pretty as she enters her immaculate home. She is dirty and covered with fireweed fuzz. She has insect bites and scratches. Her nose is sunburnt. She is limping and her deodorant has let her down….

She is happy. Tomorrow she will pick more huckleberries!

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