June 24, 1976 Sense and Nonsense

Yesterday was a bad day. It started out like any other day, the alarm went off at 6:00 a.m. and I reluctantly rolled out of bed. I stumbled into the bathroom, squeezed toothpaste onto my toothbrush, and glanced into the mirror.

Ugh! 60% more cavities! The drugstore was all out of “Quest” last time I shopped. That darn stock-boy had ignored Mr. Badwin’s advice again.

My deodorant was the old fashioned spray kind too. The drugstore was all out of the roll-on which prevents wetness as well as providing all day deodorant protection. Oh well, maybe my new soap “Scottish Fall” with its layers of scented deodorant would do the job.

Into the kitchen – the morning noises were already giving me a headache. The horses, ducks and chickens were serenading the sunrise. When I poured milk on my cereal the “crack, popple and snap” almost drove me out of my mind.

I reached for the adult headache remedy. It wasn’t even recommended for children.

Then I remembered – my son had taken the last one last night. He had suffered a severe blow to the head when a huge gelatinous mass fell from the topmost branch of our Jello tree. This summer with all the rain, the fruit and vegetable crops were tending to reach gigantic proportions.

I heated water for coffee; then realized someone was knocking at the door. This good-looking man with a Spanish accent reached for the jar of instant coffee in my hand. Promising he would bring it back in a week, he left. Thank goodness my neighbour, who dislikes instant coffee, had brought her own pound of real coffee last time she visited.

I looked in the cupboard – 7 pounds of coffee. That meant I had seven percolators around here somewhere too. She always brought her own percolator as well.

Time to start in on the dishes; this took up most of the morning as our small daughter insisted on playing in the bubbles like the little girl on T.V. is allowed to do.

Rats! I forgot to remove my “Dimex” watch. The crystal was coated with dishwater, coffee grounds and bubbles. How about that- ten minutes to two and still ticking! The only trouble was the time was supposed to be 11:30. All those bubbles must have lubricated the insides and speeded up the mechanism.

I must wash my grimy floor! I used up the last drop of “Mr. Gleam” when a large scantily attired fellow appeared from somewhere and handed me a can of peas. When he realized what I was doing, he blushed profusely, which contrasted nicely with his bright green complexion.

“Sorry, I’ve been doing the peas commercial for so long I forgot my new job. Guess my makeup is wrong too,” he added. “Can I use your bathroom to shower and change?”

“You don’t happen to have any of that new dandruff shampoo do you? I’m supposed to be bald for this job as well”.

Time to shop! As I wheeled my cart down the aisle I was stopped by a loud-talking man holding two boxes of detergent. He suggested I trade my box of “Hide” for his two boxes of Brand X. When I agreed he scowled, then opened his boxes, removing the towels before I could stop him. Oh well, two half boxes equal one whole one so I wasn’t out any.

Outside the store my daughter screamed when the “Fool Aid” monster tried to give her a glass of flavored water. When Donald MacDongal danced around the corner, she became hysterical. There ought to be a law against monsters running around loose!

Home, and barely enough time to make supper; luckily I had some of that rice that was ready in five minutes. Thank goodness it didn’t take longer. My arm was tired enough from holding my fingers up in that position for that length of time!

I had that can of peas “Mr. Gleam” has given me and my son had been pestering me for some “Ache and Break”. Seems we hadn’t had any for two weeks.

My husband complained that he didn’t like “Ache and Break”. He protested loudly that he much preferred chicken. The dog whined when I placed his bowl on the floor. He had wanted to go out to dinner tonight and eat in the restaurant where they serve “Sop Poise” dog food.

I whipped up some “Cream Drip” for dessert and enjoyed the delighted looks on my family’s faces. “Mmm, tastes like you just made it – yesterday”, complimented my son.

“But I made it today!” I protested weakly as I reached for the aspirins. After all, that’s the way most Canadians handle a headache.