SEPTEMBER I, 1977 Sense and Nonsense

Afternoon television interview shows seem to be hard up for things to talk about and people to talk to lately. The other day I half-listened to one show concerning tongue-twisters. The audience was participating (hilariously) in an exercise in speech agility. “Peter Piper picked a Peck” and “She sells sea shells.” were both tackled (mostly unsuccessfully). A new one (to me) was “Aluminum linoleum”. It is a toughie no matter which way you pronounce “aluminum”.

A double jointed tongue would be an asset in becoming a tongue-twister expert. I have decided to try out for The Guinness Book of Records’ worlds’ longest tongue-twister. Using the premise that alliteration is the key to successful tongue-twisting composition, I have selected the letter “s” for repetition.

COMPETITION FOR WORLDS LONGEST TONGUE-TWISTER (also an excellent typing exercise for those who have trouble hitting the letter “s ” on the typewriter). Statistics show shunning cigarettes suspends self-slaughter. Slimy sludge smears spongy cells, slows circulation, and speeds oesophagus spasms. Skeptics speculate specialists spoofing. Should censoring cigarettes stop serious sinus seepage? Severe sneezing starts shnozz sniffling. Summer sunshine soothes sensitive sensory services, shrinks swelling.

Several sources insinuate cigarettes ensure cessation of sense of smell. Some say (sneeringly) civilization’s stink sickens. Smelly smog, and sluggish sewers unsettles stomachs. Cigars and smouldering cylinders smother scent. Certain segments of smokers sabotage safety in sanctuaries and sometimes settlements. Sleepy slobs sample cigarettes, subconsciously set sparks, scorching and singeing shelters. Sane smokers cease in sedentary situations. Some sections of society sanction segregating smokers. Some say self-centered cigarette smokers saturate social spaces, upsetting sensible sensitivities. Silent sufferers suspect sadism from smoke-spewing sophisticates.

Solution? – Solitary security! A separate scope should stop the smoke! Cynics say secondary side effects of cigarettes are stained skin, unsanitary and soiled ceilings, cermaics etc. and savings shrinkage (surpassing seventy-seven cents)

Cigarette slaves say “So what!”