SENSE AND NONSENSE

Oct 27, 1977  Sense and Nonsense  [Nechako Chronicle]

This time of year I am glad I am not a sports’ nut. How does one follow the baseball finals, the football finals, as well as the first few games of the hockey season? The other day baseball was on one television channel and hockey was on the other. At the same time, a football game was droning on a local radio station. All my favorite T.V. shows were pre-empted! The male persons in our household happily agreed to watch baseball. (The youngest prefers hockey, but he was outnumbered.)

I sulkily retired to the kitchen and listened to the football game on the radio. I dislike football intensely. However once in a while I force myself to listen to one, to try to decipher what there is to it that lures people to pay outrageous prices just to sit and watch it in the pouring rain and/or icy wind. I have finally decided that it must be a variation of the “hammer on the head” syndrome  (it feels so good when it’s over and you can go home to your nice warm bed!)

Hockey is a game that requires an adequate knowledge of the rules to enjoy watching. I have watched quite a few minor hockey games, but the only thing I am absolutely sure of is that if the puck gets past the big kid in front of the net, who is wearing a different coloured sweater from the one your kid is wearing, there is cause for jubilation.

The one spectator sport that I have a certain knowledge of the rules, is baseball. The rules are similar to softball, a game we used to play in school. At recess time, two kids would appoint themselves captains, and choose their teams. As it was a small school, it was necessary for every kid to participate in order to play a proper game. Sometimes the captains would fight over me. As I had trouble hitting the ball, throwing the ball, and also catching the ball, I knew it was a dubious distinction.

One captain would say, “You can have her!” The other would argue. “No. you can have her. I had her last lime!” In later years, after I started wearing glasses. I discovered that being able to see the ball improved my ability to play the game somewhat.

I understand that there are people in this world who cannot bear to miss a televised sport. I can just picture such an addict, sitting equal distance from two television sets, one turned to a baseball game, the other to a hockey game. Possibly, he also has a radio tuned to a football game.

Catfish Hunter winds up for the pitch…It’s on the centre line…The ball is out of bounds…A line drive to center field…and icing is called …It’s a forward pass on the fifteen yard line…and it’s now in Canadian territory… There’s a double play, and the runner on second is out…He is tackled in the end-zone … and a penalty is called for high-sticking!…Esposito fires the puck at the boards….Strike one!… The ball is on the 45 yard line…It’s a foul ball! …Robinson passes it to LaFleur. He shoots!… It’s a touchdown!!….The Dodgers win 5 to 1!!!…Drink Pepsi!.. In your Pontiac car, wearing your new 18-hour bra