May 13, 1976  Sense and Nonsense

Power seems to be a word everyone is using these days. People seem to be searching for non-mechanical sources of energy. Some groups of people have formed organizations using the term “power.” We have had “black power” – also red, white and yellow power. We have also had “flower power.”

The newest kind of power is “pyramid power”. Thanks to Red Kelly and the Toronto Maple Leafs’ hockey team, pyramid power has become very popular. In one hockey game in Toronto, the Maple Leafs clobbered the mighty Philadelphia Flyers with the help of this new kind of power. Mr. Kelly tucked tiny plastic pyramids under the Toronto bench. Some of the players placed these pyramids on their heads during intermissions.

The results seemed to be spectacular. The Maple Leafs scored goal after goal. That they lost the next game in Philadelphia was almost incidental. After all as someone pointed out, the Philadelphia stadium is in itself shaped like a pyramid. This probably neutralized the power of the smaller pyramids within. Besides it was rumoured the Philadelphia team were armed with some “pyramid power” of their own.

The ancient Egyptians were great believers in pyramids. They built huge structures in that peculiar shape throughout the land. Their dead, who were often treated better than their live counterparts, were entombed in these large stone buildings. They were buried with plenty of food, jewels, weapons and servants (who were also dead) to make their afterlife as comfortable as possible. Why they chose the pyramid shape for this purpose instead of the easier to build square or rectangular, nobody knows for sure.

Some people believe pyramids have supernatural properties. I have been told that if you place a glass of milk under a pyramid it will stay fresh for days. A friend told us of an experiment someone made with a banana. He peeled it and placed half of it under a pyramid. He left the other half just outside the strange looking little structure. The banana half that was under the pyramid remained appetizingly white and firm. The other half very shortly turned brown and sticky.

I have decided to go into the pyramid business. I shall call it Pyramids Unlimited. After all, if thousands of people paid $3.98 for pet rocks last Christmas how much will they pay for this much handier item? I will shortly have for sale custom made pyramids in the newest spring shades to complement anyone’s wardrobe. These pyramids will be designed to be worn as a hat on one’s head. Some will be equipped with cleverly concealed shelves to store your milk and bananas. These last I would recommend should not be worn at all but instead placed in the kitchen to replace the old fashioned refrigerator.

P.S. I am too late: Eatons and some other stores are already selling pyramids. The pyramids sell for $3.49 which has to be a bargain. I shall have to start a new business. How about Squares Unlimited? A square has special powers too. Just add glass and it’s a window, add wood and it can be a table, chair or even a house (if you have enough squares).

Add eyes, a nose, mouth and a body and it is a certain kind of person – someone who insists there is no such thing as pyramid power!

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