Jan, 1975  Sense and Nonsense  [Nechako Chroncle]

January is not a good month. It is cold, snowy and generally miserable throughout. The biggest thing wrong with January, however, is that it is too long. February hasn’t that much going for it either but at least it is short, especially on non-leapyears. After you get past Valentine’s Day it seems to be downhill all the way into March. But then I never cared all that much for March either. In this country it seems to have many more lionish lionish qualities than lambish ones and like January it is too long. As a matter of fact most of the bad months are longer than the good ones.

Some of the best months of the year only contain thirty days. For instance, April, when things are definitely showing the promise of Spring, is a relatively short month. June is another good month. Its thirty days are crammed full of sunshine, flowers and weddings. In some towns couples have to book ahead many months to have a June wedding. A lot of them have to settle for July, as the churches are too busy in June.

September is my favorite month of the year. The Fall foliage is gorgeous, the weather is still warm and the bugs have mostly disappeared. In no time at all September  is over though, and and crummy, windy, dull October looms ahead with its vast expanse on the calendar.

I am considering writing a cabinet minister. I am not sure which one, and inform him of my suggestions for revising and improving the calendar. I am sure most Canadians would welcome my ideas especially the one concerning January.

I think January short be shortened dractistically, if not outlawed entirely. Twenty-one days is long enough for the coldest month of the year. The ten days left over could be added onto June which would lengthen our summers considerably. I would also suggest shortening March and adding the extra days to April. This would shorten the period known as “break-up.” It would also speed up the grass, leaves, birds, and other phenomena which indicate Spring.

My personal opinion is that October should be shortened also. Some people would probably disagree with me, especially the witches, goblins and ghosts who have had the last day of October to themselves for many years. I see no reason why they can’t change Halloween from the the 31st to the 21st of October. The ten days difference could be divided equally between August and September.

There would be one little problem, however, in this new calendar. The poem which has always been a reliable way to remember which month has how many days, would no longer be useful. Maybe we could try to revise it to fit.

Thirty-six days hath September, also August but not November. It hath thirty. All the rest have thirty-one… Except Jan., Mar., April, June and October. And then of course, there is February….On second thought, let’s leave the calendar the way it is.