Rhymes, Rants & Accolades from North Central BC

Jan 16/75  Sense and Nonsense [Nechako Chronicle]

Now that the holiday season is all over I have decided to compile a list of “nots” for next year. This list is composed from various irritating, miserable and downright awful experiences of Christmases past and recent past

First of all do not place any Xmas baking in a green plastic garbage bag unless you use a different coloured bag for the garbage. This can result in an extra special treat for the animals who reside at the village dump.

Secondly, do not forget to buy lots of various sized clear foil bags. According to the handy booklet enclosed with these bags (which I found on Boxing Day) they are great pot savers. You put your vegetables in the smaller bags and place them in a pot of boiling water. When the vegetables are done you transfer the bags into bowls and your pot is still clean.

Thirdly, if you use clear foil around your turkey, be sure to poke holes in it before you roast it. I had a turkey explode on me once and it was a mess. Luckily it was a small turkey. An exploding twenty-seven pound Christmas turkey could be dangerous as well as disastrous.

Fourthly, I have discovered that during the holiday season more woman-hours are spent doing dishes, especially glasses, than any other chore. On about the twentieth of December buy about two hundred plastic foam cups. You can serve anything from Xmas cheer to ice-cream in these. If you have any Scottish or Dutch blood in your veins, do not succumb to the urge to wash and re-use these cups. Even if your guests drank only water from un-lipsticked lips, never allow these cups to be immersed in dishwater. If the Prime Minister and his Cabinet happen to drop by you could condescend to serve them drinks in your good glasses. However, only if they promise (in writing) to reduce unemployment, cut taxes and combat inflation.

Fifthly, if you must send out Xmas cards, do so before the big rush. For the past three years I have made resolutions not to send out cards. However, this involves more strength of character than I can find; besides its fun to receive cards even if it is such a bore addressing and stamping your own. Why can’t we buy cards with the envelopes already stamped? The Post Office people would probably appreciate this too. One year the little post office where we lived had run out of six-cent stamps a week before Christmas. We had to use six one-cent stamps on every envelope. My tongue was so sticky after all that licking that I felt like a frog. Luckily the black fly season was long past.

Sixthly (now where did I put my teeth?) do not send out any plain Christmas cards. There is always a letdown when opening a card and finding it is merely signed by the sender with no message at all other than the printed verse on the inside. This year I vowed not to send out any plain cards. I bought only eight-cent stamps thinking that I would send pictures or letters with every card. As it was I ran out of pictures and developed writer’s cramp halfway through the job. I ended up sending out a bunch of plain cards with sealed envelopes. I hope these people noticed that they at least rated an eight-cent stamp.

There are many other “nots” which I would like to remember for next year. However, if nothing worse happens than having a batch of baking go out to the dump I am sure next year will once again be a darn good Christmas.

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