Sense and Nonsense [circa 1975]

I have read that in the fish kingdom they do not have dental problems as we humans do. At least some of the larger fish do not.

There are little fish swimming about which are appropriately named “Cleaner Fish.”All the big fish has to do is open his mouth and the Cleaner Fish swims in to clean his teeth (No appointment necessary.) This underwater dentist does a meticulous job, and as payment he does not get eaten.

However, just as in the human world there are unscrupulous types swimming about. These phony little fish look just like Cleaner Fish and the big fish is fooled. All they are interested in is putting “the bite” on the unsuspecting victim. They quickly swim in, take a bite out of the larger fish’s gums, and leave

I went to a dentist like that one time, only it was my wallet that had the bite put on it. His fillings were more durable than Mission Impossible’s instructions, but not much! They self-destructed within three months. My teeth which formerly were full of little unfilled holes, were now full of large empty holes. The dentist had left town and, as far as I know has never been seen since.

Last week I visited a dentist and finally had the last of my bottom teeth extracted. Hubby is also spending a lot of time in the dentist’s chair. In our house the menu is soup – three times a day! I am thinking of writing a cookbook for a sadly neglected group of gustatory underprivileged – a composition of gumbo goodies for toothless people. So far I have invented two recipes: “Egg Chew None” and “Turkey through a straw.”

My dentist has already consented to my leaving 50 copies in his office. These would replace the 1958 Ladies Home Journals and the 1962 Fish And Stream magazines his waiting room is stacked with. Nobody reads these magazines anyway. They thumb them a lot, but my definition of a truly relaxed person would be someone who can really get into a magazine in a dentist’s waiting room!

I have never before realised how many words in the English language contain pitfalls of pronunciation for those with less than the allotted 32 teeth. The word “appreciate” is a particularly hazardous one. The other day I took three runs at it on the phone. I finally mumbled “thankth” and hung up. My called undoubtedly thought the cocktail hour in our house was a bit early that day!

There are times when I have fervently wished that I had been born a fish!


June 1974 Sense and Nonsense – AN EARLY MORNING WALK

One has to get up early in the morning lately to catch a glimpse of the sun. At 5:30 in the morning it has been shining beautifully. Anyone rising later than 6:30 has to be under the impression that the weather has been lousy. I went for a walk very early one morning last week. The sun was brilliant, not a cloud in the sky. It is strange how noisy the world is at that hour of the day. No people noises at all though. However, the ducks were all quacking at full volume. They sounded as if they were having a contest to decide who was the loudest quacker among them. The little birds were chirping like crazy, almost frantically. I suppose they knew it was going to rain in an hour or so, and nobody likes chirping in the rain.

The run-off streams which normally gurgle softly, seemed to be gargling instead. Even the slight breezes were noisy .Some grouse were drumming somewhere and they were definitely talented, although the beat was a little monotonous. I and the dog both felt as though we were intruding at first but everything ignored us so we felt better. Just as we arrived back at our driveway a black cloud appeared in the sky and began to stretch itself in all directions. It was a good time to crawl back into bed and sleep.

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