Rhymes, Rants & Accolades from North Central BC

August 29, 1974 Sense and Nonsense

I see in the paper under Horoscopes that Cancer people are going to make some money this week on a business deal. It’s about time us moonchildren were given credit for some sense. We’re supposed to be terribly moody, fall in and out of love all the time, and are generally scatter-brained people. Our zodiac symbol is a crab so we’re not all that friendly either I guess.

The moon affects us a lot, which is why we are called moonchildren. I’m not sure how it affects us. It is possible our eyeteeth grow long, our fingernails turn into claws, and we go out in the full moon, howling eerily, in search of little children to eat. If this happens, I never remember It, and all the neighbourhood kids seem to be healthy.

Anyway, I believe that most cancer people are probably as mentally stable as anybody, even Arles people, who generally have good horoscope readings. I have read various books on the subject of compatibility of people under different zodiac signs. There are usually two lists. One of the ones you can marry and one of the ones you shouldn’t.

Nowhere have I seen It mentioned of a Cancer-Aries combination. It is probably because the two types are so different that they seldom ever meet. They probably don’t even go to the same schools together. The only time they ever run into one another is when a pushy, dominant, Aries salesman browbeats a poor, dumb Cancer into buying a set of encyclopedias or a kitchen gismo that grates, peels, chops and slices. Of course this could only happen when the moon is on the wane, or else she is likely to throw him out on his ear. There are two Aries people in our household, My husband and my daughter. They both must have been born either late or early as neither one have ever tried to sell encyclopedlas or anything else that I recall.

In fact, I have been waiting patiently for years. We could use a good encyclopedia around here. The only set we have is for children and it was printed in 1949. I’m sure it was outdated even then as under ‘ Modern Trains’ it shows a picture of the old steam-driven type. However I refuse to buy a new set except from an Aries, who is a member of the family, and only if they split the commission with me. Maybe that will be the “business deal” I am supposed to make money on this week?

We have a book at home. I don’t know where it came from but it is called “How To Find Your Mate Through Astrology”. It is a step-by-step guide on husband-hunting. First you check your zodiac sign to find out what signs are compatible for you. Then you read up on your prospective mate. The book tells you where to vacation to find him. It even states the cost of the tours and hotel rooms where your prey is supposed to abound. Then when you do find him you check the handy lists of do’s and don’ts to make sure he is hooked. There are even recipes for delicious foods to lure him all the way to the altar.

I just checked the chapter on Aries men and there is no recipe at the end like there is for a lot of the other guys. It just says, “Feed him a lot of cheese” and there is a list of various kinds of cheeses which you sometimes serve with ale, pumpernickle, and either white or black grapes. I was wondering what to serve for supper tomorrow night and he always insisted he didn’t like cheese….

 

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