Rhymes, Rants & Accolades from North Central BC

ADVENTURES IN TEEN-AGE-LAND

July1974 Sense and Nonsense

About once or twice a month the average housewife develops a syndrome commonly called the “blahs”. She is bored stiff with housecleaning, sewing and cooking. There is a sameness about everything. Even her favorite soap opera on T.V. doesn’t stir her blood as it usually does. She begins to dream of far-off exciting places and totally new exciting experiences. Adventures completely different from her everyday existence. However, being an average housewife she has an average bank account, which means there is just enough money in it for the weeks’ groceries, the light bill and possibly a case of beer for hubby. Other than cutting out the beer, and dyeing her hair bright red instead, there are no new experiences possible on this budget.

Many mothers, and fathers too, do not realize that they have an area in their own homes that positively reeks of extraordinary experiences. All five senses can be affected in a way that they never have before. I suggest all parents of teenagers should spend an hour in their children’s rooms (if they can last that long) and allow the atmosphere to penetrate their very souls. First off, teenage rooms are usually dark. Sometimes the walls are painted dead black. Take a deep breath before flicking on the lights as it can be a frightening experience. The light bulbs have been replaced by a black light. This weird light affects the wall-to-wall posters, which the room is papered with in a strange way.

The brilliant colours glow with an unearthly light. Large birds, old bearded men, horses, and monsters, all have eyes that suggest they’d like to leap out of their confinement and rip you to pieces. Evil is alive in this art-work. However at second glance you realize some of these posters are very funny and you may find yourself laughing hysterically. A small poster in one corner of a typical room shows the most pathetic scene imaginable. A heartbroken dog has his suitcases packed and is leaving crummy old polluted Earth behind him. The caption is,”I won’t stay in a world without love”. All but the most hardened heart will be moved to tears.

Other adventures are available in this strange land of Teensylvania. One can light the highly perfumed, imported Indian incense for an experience in smelling. Its affect on me is to make me sneeze, but there is no doubt that it smells different than any other smell I’ve ever smelled. As the incense burns you realize that you can not only smell It, you can taste it too. It is so strong that it penetrates the very pores of the skin.

Last but not least, the supreme experience in sound. Just turn on the tape deck or record player but do not adjust the volume. One should be flat on their back on a bed with a finger inserted in each ear before the machine warms up. Gradually relax and slowly remove the pressure on your ears and allow the noise to penetrate the outer, middle and right into the inner ear. Some pain may be experienced but it is probably only the effect of the eardrum being bombarded by unusually strong sound waves. The pain will go away shortly as a certain numbness replaces it. This will allow you to concentrate on the lyrics, melody and beat of the music you can almost see writhing about in the room Every muscle in your body gradually becomes spastic and it can be fascinating to watch your own arms and legs twitching involuntarily.

You realize your nerves are screaming and you have a terrible urge to scream too, at the top of your lungs. When this happens it means you have reached your ultimate and it is essential that you return to the normal world immediately. It can be extremely dangerous to stay longer. Most people realize they no longer want to anyway and quickly make a beeline for the bathroom and the aspirin bottle. They say the nicest part of travelling Is when you return home. After a journey like this one the most bored housewife will find herself cherishing her calm, quiet, dull existance. A contented feeling envelopes her as she settles down to watch the problems of the soap opera people on T.V.

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