THE HYPOCHONDRIAC

Aha! You may have pharyngitis,
Or else a case of tonsillitis,
Hope you don’t get laryngitis,
Or an inflamed adenitis.

If you drink milk, tuberculosis
Germs abound, and brucellosis
Birds can give you psittacosis,
And beware of halitosis.

Do you itch? That’s dermatitis,
If you ache, that’s arthritis,
Or possibly it is bursitis.
Blood clots often cause phlebitis.

You may be a diabetic,
Your liver could be hepatitic,
I hope your kidneys not nephritic,
Your headache may be meningitic.

Your diet can be carcinogenic,
Poor blood can mean you are anaemic,
Or if it’s poisoned, bactermenic,
Hope your lungs aren’t emphysemic.

Take some pills, some Aureomycin,
Some Penicillin, Streptomycin,
For your skin some Magnamycin,
For your cold some Tetracycline,

Take this pill for streptococcus,
And this one’s for staphylococcus,
As I fled her rantings raucous,
I heard her call the doctor’s office.