Creative writing project, based on when we moved to town. “BREEM”: “a term applied to the female swine when she desires the male…” Said Porky Pig, “We’ve p-packed to go, Our p-place has s-sold, we can’t say ‘no’ Petunia b-blames me for the move, Though I recall a d-different groove. “At Christmas t-time she s-spouted…

SNAKEY BILL AND THE BEER STRIKE OF ‘78 From out of the hills came Snakey Bill, One hot day in July, He was drenched with sweat, his clothes were wet, His throat was parched and dry. He’d searched for gold but the trail was cold, His luck was bad this year, The blazing heat almost…

Craft Fairs! Craft Fairs! How I love those Craft Fairs! Foodstuff and clothing and goodies galore Tables that stretch as far as the door! Trinkets created from metals and stone Buttons from antlers, chopsticks from bone Statues of animals carved out of wood Meticulously finished to look as they should The tables that fold are…

“WHITEY” The North Shore Moose (Silly poem#7) A funny thing happened to me on the way, To a moose-hunting venture that ended today. I spied a cow moose with the whitest of fur, “Twas North Shore “Whitey” I’d heard about her. The folks who reside on that side of the lake, Are proud of their…

THE LIFE AND DEATH OF MINNIE MOUSE (A eulogy for a resident mouse) Deep within the tunnelled woodwork, Of an old but sturdy house, Behind the kitchen sink and cupboard, Dwells the family of a mouse, Sixteen children and a spouse, Make their home there in that house. Commuting daily ‘cross the carpets, To the…

DISCRIMINATION A man that I know Is both kind and he’s wise, On discrimination He’s made these replies. “The world is my neighbour,” He solemnly sighs, “All races are equal, All colours and size.” He speaks from the heart But the words are all lies. The houseguest’s small brain Cannot analyse The hate and the…

THE HYPOCHONDRIAC Aha! You may have pharyngitis, Or else a case of tonsillitis, Hope you don’t get laryngitis, Or an inflamed adenitis. If you drink milk, tuberculosis Germs abound, and brucellosis Birds can give you psittacosis, And beware of halitosis. Do you itch? That’s dermatitis, If you ache, that’s arthritis, Or possibly it is bursitis.…

SOME PRETTY AWFUL LIMERICKS A goose and a duck were both single, So together they thought they would mingle, But he honked and she quacked, And they didn’t get back, ‘Til both had become bilingual! There once was a man from Endako, Whose living was made with a backhoe, With this rig he did dig,…

THE DEVIOUS PLUMBER TO HIS LOVE With apologies to the author of “A Passionate Shepherd To His Love” Unplug with me the sink and tub, Where hairy folk their bodies rub, With lotions, soaps, oils and gel, Deodorized, to quell the smell. And we will sit upon the john, Seeing the grease and grime upon,…

OCTOBER Now that it’s October, And for sure our summer’s over, I dig up my window boxes, Pillage petals, roots and stalks ‘n, Fling the foliage on the ground; Dead plants lying all around. Replace them with some flowering bulbs; With thoughts of springtime I indulge. I tuck them in the rich black earth, Which…